Do you reread your ‘tweets’? I just did (from 2010) and I am freaking HILARIOUS! I am going to give you the best of @SParkerAnderson and explain them right now:
Will figure it out. Will download app when in town. I blame it all on Anderson Cooper.10:38 AM Jun 4th I would jump off a bridge if Anderson Cooper told me to.
Don’t tell me not to live, just sit and putter. Life’s candy and the suns a ball of butter. Don’t bring around a cloud to rain on my parade. 10:17 PM Jun 9th I am guessing I was watching “Funny Girl” or having a “Funny Girl” moment?
I saw a hiking boot on the sidewalk this morning and glanced inside to make sure there wasn’t a severed foot. Very northwest. 7:06 AM Jun 11th They found a foot in a boot in my home town and I could not stop thinking about it.
I wish I could get bonked on the head, lose myself, & embark on a series of madcap adventures to discover who I really am. Like in the 70′s. 11:17 AM Jun 11th Who doesn’t want that?
I’m all kinds of TGIMFF! Like a bunch of these —>. !!!!! 6:57 AM Jun 12th I really really hated that job.
I still want a bee beard. 5:36 PM Jun 21st It’s true, I still do.
The ground is lava! 2:25 PM Jun 23rd I was playing that game, probably by myself.
How is it that I can shower, shave, and pack in 30 minutes and my phone cannot be bothered to sync in that amount of time? 7:20 PM Jun 24th Those updates were epic for a while.
What does one wear to a Quinceañera? 12:18 PM Jul 11th I was headed to one and wanted to make sure I was properly dressed. Turns out, it is pretty much anything goes, but extra points for ostrich boots, huge belt buckles, and white hats. A jacket is a good idea because you may end up sleeping in a tree house.
Everyone that just ate a pound of apricots, raise your hand. Oh, just me? Awkward.10:58 AM Jul 15th I ate a pound of apricots.
Some men hunt for sport, others hunt for food. The only thing I’m hunting for is an outfit that looks good. 6:09 PM Jul 16th Mr. Burns‘ song.
Pulling weeds on the beach. Iced coffee. Paco has issued a fatwa against the entire scientific family: Sciuridae (squirrel). 12:10 PM Jul 19th Paco really does not like squirrels.
I want to marry a slurpee and live in a slurpee house and have a million slurpee babies. 4:16 PM Jul 27th The Crystal Lite Orange flavored ones are the best!
I just drank a beer in the shower. Um, yeah, so, GAME ON! 11:18 PM Jul 30th I pretty much bring the AWESOME.
“What kind of girl do you think I am and how could you tell so fast?” – Blanche Devereaux 9:38 AM Aug 16th No truer words have been spoken. We should all think WWBDD? And do it!
Whenever the bus stinks, my immediate worry is that it is because of me. I never default to the guy in the camo pants with the sleeping bag. 8:30 AM Aug 17th He really stank.
I press trigger, I don’t press people button. 7:43 AM Aug 28th Cobrastyle.
I just watched a pot boil. So, there! 11:42 AM Aug 30th My life is very exciting.
I think tomorrow is a “Say Something” hat day. 6:30 PM Sep 14th This is the day Patrick Swayze died. It is a line from “To Wong Foo Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar.”
Dude is sitting in his car parked on Broadway, scale on the dash, weighing out dime bags. I love this city! 5:57 PM Sep 17th Making the dollars.
“This ain’t no place to be if you plan on being a star.” 7:16 AM Sep 18th ”Car Wash”
Well, there’s not much to see actually, we’re inside a Chinese dragon. 10:01 AM Sep 26th ”What’s Up Doc” is probably one of the best movies ever made.
They are playing The Village People‘s “Macho Man” in the P.O. Dairy Queen. Do I really need to add my social commentary? 1:38 PM Oct 2nd In a town where I got beat up several times, they now play the GAYEST songs at the D.Q.
I just broke up with the gym. I told them there was a another gym. There isn’t. Changing their name to Vision Quest was the last straw. 3:26 PM Oct 8th That gym is a hot mess.
I just had my stitches removed by a farsighted lab tech. She kept cutting hairs thinking they were stitches. I am no longer frankenscott! 5:04 PM Oct 9th She was a very bad lab tech.
Who took the bomp from the bompalompalomp? Who took the ram from the ramalamadingdong? 8:24 AM Oct 13th Le Tigre, anyone?
I will do unspeakably depraved things for chocolate-covered espresso beans. about 14 hours ago Oh, I will.
- Celeb Tweets: Anderson Cooper goes to DMV; Chaz writing again; Sean Hayes shares Stooges pic! (pinkbananaworld.com)
- 8 Ways to Get Your Content Ignored on Twitter (hubspot.com)
- Funny ReTweet of the Day (whiteglossyundergroundboard.com)