When you live with someone who is cheap and quite possibly just a touch pre-senile, you really have to think out-of-the-box when you are looking for stuff around the house. Take this morning, for instance: R was up and gone very early so I fed the dogs when I woke up around 8:00. One dog got her three pieces of cheese hand-fed to her (she doesn’t know, and you better not tell her), then I started the regular breakfast preparation which has more steps than my own breakfast preparation. I could only find one bowl. They are small dogs and the bowls are heavy, so they were not dragged very far, if anywhere. Not in the sink. Oh wait, the refrigerator. Sure, there it is, keeping the small pieces of last nights uneaten dinner “fresh,” I guess.
My right pinky toe is swollen and sore, surely the result of stubbing it twice in a 24 hour period on the leg of an Eames Aluminum Management Chair in the living room. I can wiggle it and several Gucci sales associates have reassured me that if it wiggles, it is not broken. But there is a little voice in the back of my head reminding me of the pedicure I got last week. It says “You’ve got gangrene or some other flesh-eating virus and that toe is gonna fall off in your sock!” I thought about taking a photo and emailing it to my doctor, but we really do not have that sort of relationship. I am sure I bore him compared to some of my friends that also have him as a GP. Meaning that I am healthy, not on prescriptions of any sort, not at all a hypochondriac, and not a filthy slut (oh shut up, I am not talking about you). I have not even removed my shirt at any of my visits, one time, I pushed my tshirt sleeve up for a flu shot. He is amazing, however, and a bit of a celebrity. He is to Dan Savage what Dr. Oz is to Oprah. So anyway, back to me, my toe, and my made up problems. In order to take a photo and email it to my doctor, I decided that I should shower first, then while in the shower, I decided that I should run the photo through instagram before sending it. It has basically gotten that bad: a photo isn’t a photo without first going through instagram. Then, I decided that the toe may be a secondary problem when compared to my unhealthy narcissism. I posted a photo of my feet with the hashtag of #feet, which after posting, I realized that it was going to be a great disappointment to anyone trolling instagram for feet pics and I would like to apologize right now for wasting their time. However, I am not going to email my doctor on a saturday about my sore toe. I feel I will get enough medical advice through instagram comments, so no need to bother him.
So, like the old ballerina that I am, I taped the toe to the 4th toe and will go on with the performance.
Question: If you could have any author –living or dead – write your biography, who would you choose?
Answer: This morning, I woke up thinking about how one of the dogs has a greater understanding and perfection of ennui than most humans could ever even have. Dino is an absolute sweet baby boy, but he gets these moods where he just mopes. The are hilarious to see on a dog, especially on a dog that is completely untrained and spoiled rotten.
My natural immediate response to the above question is F. Scott Fitzgerald, but having one’s life story be told in faded gilding squandered opulence manner may not be the sort of legacy that I am wanting.
I will have to choose David Rakoff, Douglas Coupland and Bret Easten Ellis to write my story. Think hilariously witty duck-out-of-water disenfranchised underachiever with yuppy serial killer delusions. I guess that works.
Try as I might, he would not go through the door into the cold rainy night.
**This is my submission to this morning’s suggestion of embedding Instagram photos into the blog via url instead of saving them and posting them as regular photos. It does seem to save time and is pretty cool.**
**There was a better photo yesterday of Dino (Paco’s brother) hiding in the window that I will add the same tag to so you can see it. I could have a whole blog just for their antics.**
The dog was barking last night. This leads me to believe that the manager of the Westminster Apartments and the City of Seattle do not care about the welfare of animals or the welfare of anyone living anywhere near this distressed animal. The apartment manager is either lazy, stupid, or a liar, my guess is that a profoundly incompetent mixture of all three. They City of Seattle clearly employs lazy people. If that were not the case, I would have received a reply to my first email and I would not have had to send a second and a third to get a response.
At this point, I do not care about the dog, I do not care about the dog owner, I do not care about the apartment manager or the City of Seattle and their inability to do the jobs they are supposed to do. I only care that I cannot sleep at night because this stupid fucking dog will not stop barking.
It started a while ago when I noticed a dog in the neighboring building bark for several hours every night.
I found an email address [westminsterseattle@gmail.com] for the manager of the Westminster Apartments (903 9th Ave, Seattle, WA 98104 206-395-9694) and emailed him to ask if he could do something about the dog. He told me that he didn’t know which dog was barking and asked me which apartment it was coming from.
I do not live in that building, my building faces his, I have no way of pinpointing the apartment from which the dog was barking. The dog was not standing in the window while it was barking. I described the barking, believing that it was probably a smaller sized dog, I explained which apartments it could possibly be coming from, he did not respond.
I contacted City of Seattle Animal Control Department and they did nothing.
Several months later, I emailed them again:
Barking dog. I have submitted information about this barking dog before, nothing was done. I do not know the apartment number or the floor, I do not live in the building, my apartment building faces their building and i cannot tell where the barking dog lives.
Scott Parker-Anderson
Dear SCOTT PARKER-ANDERSON
I have forwarded your concern to the following City agency:
Subject: SAS – No resolution to previous barking dog violation Department:: FAS-Customer Service Bureau Other departments notified:
Thank you for contacting the City of Seattle regarding a barking dog in the Westminster Apartments. Please allow 10 business days to receive a reply from the department. If you should need further assistance or for any reason you are not satisfied with the response from the department, please click here to reply. You can also call the number listed below and a Complaint Investigator will be assigned to make sure the matter is properly resolved.
Please do not change the subject line when responding to this email.
Thank you for contacting the Customer Service Bureau (CSB).
Sincerely,
Rodney Baladad
City of Seattle
Customer Service Bureau (206) 684-CITY(2489)
P.S. We want to know how we are doing. Please take a moment to fill out this online survey:
I waited and waited, but I did not receive a response, so I emailed them again:
From: Scott Parker-Anderson Subject: Customer Service Bureau-General Inquiry – 12-00034918 Date: June 2, 2012 11:40:15 PM PDT To: InquiryResponse@Seattle.gov Cc: csr_alert_rodney.baladad@seattle.gov
It has been 12 business days and 18 total days since I have made my request.
The dog is still barking. The dog is barking at this very moment.
Aside from the fact that the dog is disturbing quite a number of people in two separate buildings, it is also clearly being neglected.
What do I need to do?
Scott Parker-Anderson
Two days later, I got a reply:
From: Williams, Sandy <Sandy.Williams@seattle.gov> Subject: Barking dog Date: June 4, 2012 4:04:37 PM PDT To: scott pakrer-anderson
Mr Parker Anderson,
Seattle Animal Shelter Humane Law Enforcement Officers have been trying to assist with your complaint. In May, we did talk to the Building Manager, but he told us that there are multiple dogs in the building and he has had no internal complaints about noise. He was going to post a notice in his building about noise. At this point, our supervisor has suggested that we meet with you at your residence to try to get an idea where the noise is coming from. In order to do that, we need your phone number so an Officer can call you to set up a time to meet you. Please call us @ 206-386-7387 or reply to this email with your number.
S Williams
Humane Law Enforcement Officer
Later that day, I replied and haven’t heard anything since:
From: Scott Parker-Anderson Subject: Re: Barking dog Date: June 4, 2012 4:49:36 PM PDT To: Williams, Sandy <Sandy.Williams@seattle.gov>
Ms. Williams,
I understand. It is my problem.
The manager cannot tell which dog owner has an apartment that faces north into the space between the two buildings? He is incapable standing outside those apartments and listening? He is actually more useless than I had originally thought.
You know, I first emailed him directly and he also put the ownership of the problem back on me. Since he was unwilling to help, I contacted you.
The dog barks about every ten seconds until about midnight every night.
I am not sure how inviting you to my bedroom at 11:00 at night to listen to a dog bark is going to solve the problem. If I cannot tell in which apartment the barking dog lives, how will you?
I guess that’s that. Thank you for your time and attention in this matter.
Scott
I then received this letter:
From: Klunder, Robin <Robin.Klunder@seattle.gov>
Subject: Response – Barking Dog Complaint
Date: July 24, 2012 4:02:32 PM PDT
To: scott pakrer-anderson <parkeranderson@gmail.com>
Dear Mr. Parker-Anderson,
Please see the letter attached in response to your email sent to Officer S. Williams dated July 16, 2012.
Robin L. Klunder, Operations Manager
City of Seattle – Department of Finance & Administrative Services
Seattle Animal Shelter
Ph: (206)386-1985 Fax: (206)386-4285 http://www.seattleanimalshelter.org
And I sent this reply:
From: Scott Parker-Anderson <parkeranderson@gmail.com>
Subject: Re: Response – Barking Dog Complaint
Date: July 24, 2012 10:42:22 PM PDT
To: Robin Klunder <Robin.Klunder@seattle.gov>, don.jordan@seattle.gov
Cc: InquiryResponse@Seattle.gov, csr_alert_rodney.baladad@seattle.gov, Sandy Williams <Sandy.Williams@seattle.gov>
Mr. Jordan,
Thank you for taking time to review and reply to my concerns regarding the neighbor’s barking dog.
I think that you misunderstood my response to the request that I allow Animal Control Officers into my bedroom at 10:30 at night to see if they can tell which apartment the barking dog is in. I simply know that it will make no difference. If I cannot tell, how will anyone else? Obviously, it can be narrowed down to apartments that have dogs, with north-facing windows. A trip up and down the hallways where those apartments are will quickly solve the mystery as to which apartment it is.
The fact that that simple action is something the apartment manager of the Westminster could have done back when I contacted him directly or even one of your Animal Control Officers when they were initially visiting the building, but no one chose to do so speaks volumes. Attempting to put the ownership of the dog’s wellbeing and the noise pollution on me by no means relieves you of your responsibilities.
I am sure that putting up a “No Dog Barking” sign will help greatly next door, that is, if the dog in distress knows how to read. It is my assumption that the owner of the barking dog is actually not home while the dog is barking.
I have never refused to provide my phone number. If you review the original correspondence, you will see that I provided my phone number.
The dog is still barking, the dog is still in distress and you have decided that since I have not provided a phone number for someone to call me and set up an appointment to visit my bedroom late at night, there is nothing more you can do.
I understand that you have no interest in helping me further, have no interest in resolving this problem, and no interest in the welfare of animals. I will not bother you again.
Since the manager of the Westminster Apartments is lazy, incompetent, and unable to do his job, since Sandy Williams and Rodney Baladad at the City of Seattle are unwilling and unable to do their jobs, I made a video of the dog barking. It is really more of an audio recording with the video portion being very dark and shot through a window screen.
If you search the internet for advice on how to get a neighbor’s dog to stop barking, the basic understanding is that you know which neighbor has the barking dog. I do not. They suggest talking to the neighbor and talking to the landlord and/or building manager. They suggest sending a letter from your lawyer and purchasing some sort of machine that makes dogs not bark. They suggest keeping a video log, contacting law enforcement, and taking the owner to small claims court. And lastly, they suggest moving.
They advise against shooting the dog and confronting the owner (neither of which I could do even if I wanted to).
There is no resolution, no moral, no end to this story. I cannot say that I am disappointed by everyone involved because I had very low expectations of how building managers and city employees would respond with help and advice. They behaved more or less how I expected: lazy.
