She floats like a swan: grace on the water.

Twenty-Four Lies and One Truth. You Figure It Out.

1. When my family lived in Mexico in the early 1980’s, my mother hit and killed an old man with her car and just rolled his body into a ditch and covered him with a tree branch. We never heard a thing about it.

2. I have a 19 year old daughter, the product of a one-night-stand the summer after my senior year in high school. She tracked me down six months ago when she needed to know my medical history because she was diagnosed with Leukemia.

3. I tell everyone that my family came to this country in the 1920’s, but they really have been here since the early 1800’s and owned a fleet of ships used for transporting slaves from Africa to the US.

4. I speak Russian fluently because my father would not talk on the phone in English for fear of it being tapped.

5. I have only one testicle.

6. I didn’t learn how to tie my shoes until I was 14 years old due to a broken arm and a lack of detailed use of my left index finger and thumb.

7. I secretly wish I would have been more serious about it when I was a magician’s assistant.

8. I have a scrapbook full of lost pet fliers that I have taken off of telephone poles all over the city.

9. I use Facebook to get laid.

10. I am a mindless android, I have no opinions.

11. I have had three nose jobs and I am still not satisfied.

12. When I was 12 years old, my mother requested that we call her by her first name in public so no one would know she was old enough to be our mother.

13. Since my parents divorced when I was 12, I have habitually shoplifted candy bars from small convenience stores. I almost never eat it unless I am really hungry.

14. At different times and for different reasons, I have been temporarily blind and temporarily deaf.

15. I have spent considerable money and traveled considerable distances to see every Modanna concert.

16. If I do not go to Disney World at least once every two years, I feel a bit lost.

17. I am distantly related to one US President and one serial murderer.

18. I have a natural inclination to science. It was my favorite subject in school and I considered getting a biology degree in college.

19. My family was one of the last to obtain an escape pod when our dying planet burst into flames.

20. Jesus is my savior.

21. In my mid 20’s, I had two serious boyfriends at the same time that did not know of each other.

22. In junior high and high school, I was on the US Junior Olympics Cross Country Ski Team. The highest I ever placed is Silver in 1986.

23. The name I had growing up was Christopher Scott Martin, I changed it when I was 18.

24. My babysitter showed my sister and me “Jaws” when we were kids and ever since then, I have been deathly afraid of all bodies of water.

25. I have waited in line for every Harry Potter book to be released and read them as fast as I could because I was afraid I would hear what happened from someone else on the Harry Potter LISTSERVE I subscribe to.

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