25 Things I Say About You Behind Your Back

25 Things I Say About You Behind Your Back

My response to the “25” lists people write about themselves is to keep in the same theme and create a list of “25 Things I Say About You Behind Your Back.” They are mostly made up or about strangers I remember seeing or I have changed the sex or some other factor to blurr the obvious. My theory being that we really do not want to actually know more about each other, we just want to write stuff about ourselves. We want to be the center of attention, so I made you the center. Maybe. I am a prick, but I am a fucking funny prick. Have a good Friday!

1. That’s not her real nose.
2. I would lose my mind if I had a gray tooth.
3. She will probably never lose that ‘baby weight’.
4. He will make a great boyfriend in ten years.
5. She knows what everyone thinks about Crocs, right?
6. I have carried his drunk ass home more times than I can count.
7. Her little baby voice creeps me out.
8. When we were growing up, she had us call her by her first name so people wouldn’t know she was old enough to be our mother.
9. He is drop-dead foxy.
10. His dick is really big, but doesn’t get that hard.
11. I am surprised he can find any hairdresser to give him a fauxhawk.
12. That is probably the most ill-though out tattoo I have ever seen.
13. I want to have a million of his babies.
14. I wonder why she is so forthcoming about telling people she just met she is on parole?
15. Everyone says that, but he has always been extra friendly to me.
16. Even I feel slightly sexually harrassed when I talk with her.
17. Has she ever thought about being a lesbian? I think she would be quite successful.
18. He’s not gay, he’s just really really vain.
19. She is quite possibly the shallowest person I have ever met in my life.
20. She calls everyone a slut who is having more sex than her.
21. He has no idea.
22. She is too old for that dress.
23. I wish I could know 25 things less about him.
24. He is the tallest asian I have ever seen.
25. Seems like a no-brainer to me, I’m hot, he’s hot…

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