I got an email from my mother yesterday in response to the Mother’s Day card I sent her.
“I got your Mothers’ Day card — Love it!!! It’s very cute and of course with a wonderful sentiment. Thanks for your words too. And thank YOU for being you — growing up to be a fine man, which is obviously what I always wanted, but didn’t always have the tools to lead you in directions I thought would be beneficial for you. There are many things that I wish I had known how to do better. I’m grateful that you overcame all that & guided yourself in the right direction!”
I am sure that a lot of mothers look back on everything and think they would have done things differently if they were done now, but everyone can say that about everything. I think it is best to keep it in perspective. I am sure that a lot of mother’s wish they had a mulligan from now and then, but it is best to look at the overall outcome.
I wrote the next couple of paragraphs on Wednesday about my an Aunt, my father’s sister. No one has seen or spoken to her in seventeen years because of her own design.
Every now and then, I dust off the address book and send my Aunt a card or letter. Seeing as we have not spoken or seen each other since some time in the spring of 1994, I avoid any questions as to why she is such a shallow selfish bitch or trying to catch her up with my life and I simply wish her well. I thought a Mother’s Day card would be nice to send this year. It is amazing how inappropriate it is to send a greeting card to someone who has behaved like a worthless cunt your entire life. All the pretty words and butterflies so completely don’t apply that they seem actively condescending. I loved it so much, I sent her two, one to each house! “When you care enough to send the very best (to someone that is the very worst, our cards have two meanings!)”
She has never responded and the cards are not returned as undeliverable, so they are going somewhere. She acted like a child when I was a child, requiring my sister and me to act like the adults in the relationship, it is unreasonable for me to think she will behave any other way. I do my part. If she chooses to ignore the cards, that is he choice.
I hear she is not in good health, I am not sure what sort of illness. Seeing as the news I get is from my mother who goes to jazzercize with a woman who has a friend who knows my aunt. But as it goes with old ladies and little dogs, the mean ones live forever, so she will probably just hover near death for years. Hairless, half-deaf, half-blind, trying to snap with her one tooth at anyone that comes near her, like a old little dog.
This is the life she actively constructed. She pushed everyone away until they stopped being near enough to get pushed. My card in a bright pink envelope will stand out in the regular mail, seeing as her parents are dead, her brother (my father) does not speak to her, and she never had children of her own. I assume that there is a little bit of sense-memory left in that charred cavity where a human heart is usually found, I’m guessing that the card will send a twinge through it. That maybe she will remember what it is like.