Daydream Believer

Every since I gave up my previous blog with various privacy settings, I am not sure where I am supposed to write my daydreams anymore, it all seems so exposed writing them in a blog that is completely open and available for anyone to read.  Even though I get very little feedback on the blog and for the most part, it is like writing into a vacuum, I think that writing everything openly may be a bit of a step outside my comfort zone.  Here it goes.

Last week, I got a voicemail from a recruiter for Amazon.com, he was inquiring as to my interest in a position that is currently open.  I called back today and spoke with him for a while and it sounds interesting, the pay rate is good, and I will be looking into it further.  But the real daydream comes from the idea of returning to a family that I left nine years ago.  I know that it is a total fantasy and that most of the people I interacted on a daily basis with are no longer with the company (let alone in the department where the position is), but in my head, I have created this wonderful completion.  In it, I meet back with my old boss and we hug and talk privately and quietly about the loss of one of our mutual friends, he tells me that whatever I need, just ask.  I am given my old email address back.  From there, it sort of skips around, this day dream.  I am able to use and build upon my skills and abilities and my efforts and work is recognized.

I mean, of course in my daydream it is a perfect job environment, why would it be any less?

It is all because of the current employment situation that I daydream about something new and exciting.  Here, I work hard and work smart and the only recognition I ever get is when I do something wrong.  It is tiresome.  I know that I they do not see me as becoming anything more than what I currently do, so there is no career trajectory of any sort.  Even though the tasks I do here are far beyond those required of people in my position in other stores, I know that none of it will amount to a promotion.

I guess dead-end jobs, no matter how glamorous, have a way of feeding daydreams about something better, something different, or at least something with potential.

The sad part of this daydream is that I probably will not even try for the position at Amazon because it is only a two month contract and then I could be out of a job.  A bird in the hand and so forth, health insurance and the like, stability.

So, even as I daydream about the potentials of what might be, I know pretty accurately what will be.