But I’ d rather know a shover than a pusher ’cause a pusher’s a jerk.

I came to a realization this weekend.  It’s not that I don’t like children as much as it is I really don’t like some of their parents.  I find babies to be mostly adorable and young children to be hilarious, creative, and imaginative.  School-age kids are refreshingly idealistic and void of jaded attitudes.  It’s their parents that they bring everywhere that ruin the entire experience.

Maybe a huge stroller is a status symbol, I am not claiming to know or understand the finer points of one-up-man-ship amongst the gymboree set, but I do know that a 3-wheeled jogging stroller is overkill almost everywhere that does not involve jogging.  It is understandable that these strollers take up a lot of space and are hard to maneuver, it may be because they are designed to be pushed whilst the operator is jogging and no one jogs through a shopping mall, farmer’s market, or grocery stores.  It is also understandable that being a parent is a tiring and frustrating job, so why add to that frustration by taking your child and jogging stroller to an antique mall?  It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than it is for anyone to push a stroller down the aisle of an overly-stuffed junk shop, let alone find a safe out-of-the-way place to park it while you shop for tchotchkes, knick-knacks, and/or bric-a-brac.

If it were only a matter of over-compensating parents, the stroller etiquette would be easily understood and universally agreed upon.  If it were only…  As a general rule, stroller pushers assume and demand the right-of-way in every situation, much to their public relations detriment.  My hope is that they are not actually arrogant jerks, but due to their circumstances, they just behave like ones.  These circumstances, it should be recognized, they chose freely.  I am sure it is exhausting to not get enough sleep and have someone screaming and asking you a million questions non-stop 18 hours a day, but they signed up for it.  Please stop inflicting your dissatisfaction with the realities of parenthood on the innocent public.

But mostly, move your fucking stroller before I teach you little talented-gifted-sensitive-precious angel enough swear words to guarantee expulsion from every day care, preschool, kindergarten and grade school they attend.

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