The Best of SPA 2001

I sifted through my journal from 2001 and pulled out the best of the best, or what I felt was the best. A lot happened in 2001. It appears that I spent quite a while that year with a stiff neck, or at least complaining about a stiff neck.  But first, let’s drop it into history.  I was 31, working at Amazon.com, living on Portage Bay, and driving a VW Golf.

I didn’t write anything interesting until April, so we will start there:

[Apr. 27th, 2001|11:21 am] 

I had a dream last night where my mother was trying to talk me into going to a baseball game with her. We were stopping off to visit a friend of hers that lived in a brick tower. To get up to her friend’s place, we had to walk up a staircase that wrapped around the outside of the tower, passing everyone else’s place along the way up. When we finally got up to the top we were tired and I sat down on a sofa to rest. Then about a minute later, a neighbor from down below came up to check on us, he said “I just wanted to make sure everything was ok, a man in a green turban and robe walked up here and didn’t wave at me.” I thought how strange, I hadn’t seen anyone, then I looked down and wouldn’t you know it, I was wearing a green robe and turban. I said “oh, I guess that was me.” Everyone looked at me and just nodded as to say “yes, we know”. Then I woke up.

[Aug. 14th, 2001|02:05 pm]

Mullet Haikus

My hair is slammin’
like Stone Cold. Can I get a Hell
yeah? Hell yeah. Hell yeah.

This super cool hair
and a bucket of chicken:
What more could I want?

Lynnrd Skynnrd didn’t
win no spelling bees. Who cares?
They rock the trailer.

Short for dad. Long for
the daughter mom always wanted.
Everyone’s happy.

[Aug. 25th, 2001|02:06 pm]

My new hobby is going to weddings. It is really good. I wish I could write a review column for weddings, but the fact that I would be a little harsh about their ‘special day’ has captured my better judgment and has not let go. ah well. Last night’s was totally lovely, except that the bride threw the bouquet over the entire crowd of eager single ladies, directly onto the kiddy table, where I was sitting with all the other misfits. The person who actually caught it was Stevie, a gender-bending girl-boy with red chunky steaks in her short cropped haircut.

[Sep. 1st, 2001|08:42 am]

I had a dream last night that I was lying on a bed with Skeet Ulrich, sort of running my fingers through his hair and casually mentioned that we had the same birthday, he being a year older. well, he thought that was creepy that I knew when his birthday was, got up and left.

[Sep. 14th, 2001|11:13 am]

My dreams of terrorism continued last night, although, it seems that I am starting to take a little more control of the situation and starting to stick up for myself and others. Last night, I drove a luggage cart full of luggage directly into one of the propellers of a plane that was taking off after being hijacked.

[Sep. 22nd, 2001|01:21 pm]

He had one of those rare smiles with a quality of eternal reassurance in it, that you may come across four or five times in life. It faced, or seemed to face, the whole external world for an instant and then concentrated on you with an irresistible prejudice in your favor. It understood you just as far as you wanted to be understood, believed in you as you would like to believe in yourself.

[Sep. 28th, 2001|10:16 am]

Someone told me today that my hair looks like all the colors that no one wants. He was trying to compliment me, but it just sounded odd.

[Sep. 28th, 2001|11:38 am]

David Rakoff: “The woman reading through her lines right now is walking universal perfection. She is lung collapsingly, jaw achingly, fall down on the sidewalk teeth first, take a bottle of pills, and throw yourself out a window beautiful. The planes and angles of her face are a mathematical equation adding up to a great cosmic YES.”

[Oct. 4th, 2001|09:43 am]

My neighbor was evicted yesterday, all of her stuff put out on the sidewalk, stretching down the street. She had a lot of stuff, it was a mess. There was a nativity scene piled upon itself, most of the pieces looked to be there, except the three foot tall Virgin Mary was missing her head! I thought long and hard about slipping it into my house and giving it as a gift sometime, but I figured that a new deeper, darker Hell would be invented just for me. Stealing a headless Virgin Mary from someone that has been evicted?

[Nov. 17th, 2001|08:21 am]

This morning on my way to work, I drove over what I originally thought was a rolled up newspaper in the street, but right before it disappeared under my car, I realized that it was a prosthetic leg! Oh My God! I ran over someone’s fake leg. Can you believe that? How does that happen?

[Dec. 14th, 2001|07:46 am]

I can only find the “Hate” glove of my “Love and Hate” pair of gloves, is that a sign?

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