Saturday Morning Round-Up

I need to start my day, but first…

When you live with someone who is cheap and quite possibly just a touch pre-senile, you really have to think out-of-the-box when you are looking for stuff around the house.  Take this morning, for instance:  R was up and gone very early so I fed the dogs when I woke up around 8:00.  One dog got her three pieces of cheese hand-fed to her (she doesn’t know, and you better not tell her), then I started the regular breakfast preparation which has more steps than my own breakfast preparation.  I could only find one bowl.  They are small dogs and the bowls are heavy, so they were not dragged very far, if anywhere.  Not in the sink.  Oh wait, the refrigerator.  Sure, there it is, keeping the small pieces of last nights uneaten dinner “fresh,” I guess.

My right pinky toe is swollen and sore, surely the result of stubbing it twice in a 24 hour period on the leg of an Eames Aluminum Management Chair in the living room.  I can wiggle it and  several Gucci sales associates have reassured me that if it wiggles, it is not broken.  But there is a little voice in the back of my head reminding me of the pedicure I got last week.  It says “You’ve got gangrene or some other flesh-eating virus and that toe is gonna fall off in your sock!”  I thought about taking a photo and emailing it to my doctor, but we really do not have that sort of relationship.  I am sure I bore him compared to some of my friends that also have him as a GP.  Meaning that I am healthy, not on prescriptions of any sort, not at all a hypochondriac, and not a filthy slut (oh shut up, I am not talking about you).  I have not even removed my shirt at any of my visits, one time, I pushed my tshirt sleeve up for a flu shot.  He is amazing, however, and a bit of a celebrity.  He is to Dan Savage what Dr. Oz is to Oprah.  So anyway, back to me, my toe, and my made up problems.  In order to take a photo and email it to my doctor, I decided that I should shower first, then while in the shower, I decided that I should run the photo through instagram before sending it.  It has basically gotten that bad:  a photo isn’t a photo without first going through instagram.  Then, I decided that the toe may be a secondary problem when compared to my unhealthy narcissism.  I posted a photo of my feet with the hashtag of #feet, which after posting, I realized that it was going to be a great disappointment to anyone trolling instagram for feet pics and I would like to apologize right now for wasting their time.  However, I am not going to email my doctor on a saturday about my sore toe.  I feel I will get enough medical advice through instagram comments, so no need to bother him.

So, like the old ballerina that I am, I taped the toe to the 4th toe and will go on with the performance.

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