To Catch a Predator: Easter Bunny Edition

Today is Easter, the day I celebrate horrible Easter Bunny photos while telling myself that this year, I will not eat another jelly bean until Halloween.  So let’s fire this up.  The Easter Bunny or Easter Rabbit is a character depicted as a rabbit bringing Easter eggs. The Easter Bunny is sometimes depicted with clothes. In legend, the creature carries colored eggs in his basket, candy and sometimes also toys to the homes of children, and as such shows similarities to Santa Claus, as they both bring gifts to children on the night before their respective holiday. It was first mentioned in Georg Franck von Frankenau’s De ovis paschalibus (About Easter Eggs) in 1682 referring to an Alsace tradition of an Easter Hare bringing Easter Eggs.

These Easter Bunnies are not that kind.  The Easter Bunnies pictured below are of the half-assed shopping mall or pastor’s son in a rented costume variety.  Some are frighteningly sinister, some do not even appear to be any sort of rabbit, and some are so pathetically bad, they get and F for effort because there was none.

bunny 1
It is quite possible that this Easter Bunny was out late the night before, if those circles around his eyes are any indication.
bunny 05
The 70s were a crazy time. This bunny went on later to be the subject of an after school special about the dangers of angel dust.
bunny 18
Granny Easter Bunny is killing it with this empire waist apron.
This bunny was an early-adopter of derma-fillers and botox.
bunny 17
I do wish parents would stop doing that to their children’s hair.  Have we learned nothing from our own bowl-cut photographs?
bunny 16
That’s a pink chipmunk.
bunny 03
One of the dangers of “helicopter parenting’ is that children are left with zero survival skills. Clearly.
bunny 15
What the hell?  Is that a cat in a bunny costume?
bunny 14
Are they all screaming?  Are the bunnies laughing that the girl is crying?  It looks like they are on a roller coaster.
bunny 02
There’s a joke about ‘fava beans’ in there somewhere.
bunny 13
That bunny is so high.
bunny 12
I love how the little girl is pleading with the photographer “Save yourself, tell our story!”
bunny 11
The black background is a brave choice.  It lets the viewer imagine the setting for himself:  middle of a shopping mall or kidnappers secret dungeon?
bunny 01
Everyone’s expressions in vintage photographs are so stoic.
bunny 9
This is a suppressed memory I hope that little girl never recovers.  I am not even sure that is a bunny, it looks like a melted clown candle.
bunny 7
What?  I am uncomfortable just looking at this “bunny.”  I think it is a woman in a pink union suit with a pair of long underwear bottoms on her head.  Or a man.   I don’t know.
bunny 6
Little kids eat the heads off chocolate bunnies first, why would we think any different if the roles were reversed?
bunny 5
Easter Bunny says “HEEEEYYYYYY!”
bunny 4
It is true, a picture does say a thousand words, but in this case, most of them have a question mark after them.  What?  Why?  Huh?  Did I just witness something?
bunny 3
Again, not a bunny.
bunny 2
The latest casualty from the “Stand Your Ground” legislation.
bunny 20
That is a healthy suspicion, little lady.  Extra points for the protection and skates (for a fast get away) if that sloppy-eyed creep tries anything.
bunny 21
You know that thing where people kinda look like their pets?
bunny 22
bunny 23
How is it that most Easter Bunny mask parts have the same sort of open-mouthed expressions and it can sometimes look like they are laughing, sometimes screaming, sometimes sneezing, and sometimes really enjoying some Easter-Bunny-on-Greyhound love.  Unfortunately, from now on, I will probably only ever see the “Easter Bunny Sex Face,” if you don’t believe me, scroll back up and take another look at the photos.  Ya, sorry about that.

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